I’m sorry, but the Chuck Norris jokes out there just crack me up and kids love ’em… especially preteen and middle school boys!
So here is my ever-expanding list of Chuck Norris jokes
- Chuck Norris gets bit by a cobra. After 5 days of agonizing pain, the cobra dies.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn. He stares at it and dares it to grow.
- Chuck Norris has a third fist hidden in his beard.
- Chuck Norris does not jump in a lake the lake jumps on Chuck.
- Who would win in a fight between Jet Li and Chuck Norris? Who knows, we haven’t seen Armageddon yet.
- Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter. Chuck Norris CAN believe its not butter.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just hasn’t worked up the courage to tell him yet.
- Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug. The bear isn’t dead, it’s just afraid to move.
- Chuck Norris and Superman once had a race and the loser had to wear their underwear on the outside.
- Chuck Norris cannot Love. He can only not kill you for a while.
- At a ripe old age, most people wonder why Chuck Norris has yet to suffer from a heart attack. Because even his heart knows you don’t attack Chuck and win.
- When doing a push-up most people push their bodies away from the earth. Chuck Norris pushes the earth away from his body.
- Some say Chuck Norris can’t handle the big screen. The big screen can’t handle Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris works out, the machine gets stronger!
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- The dinosaurs gave Chuck Norris a bad look, ONCE!
- Chuck Norris doesn’t check under the bed for the boogie man, the Boogie man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t use sunblock, the sun uses Chuck Norris-block.
- For years scientists have told us that CFC’s have been punching holes in the Ozone layer… You and I both know who has been punching holes in the Ozone layer… Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.
- Chuck Norris does not need Twitter. He is already following you.
- Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
- Chuck Norris does need any licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.
- Chuck Norris makes the speed of light wish it was faster.
- Chuck Norris once made a happy meal cry.
- Ghost sit around the camp fire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
- I hear Chuck Norris send his beard shaving to the police to use for their bullet proof vest.
Many thanks to the thread Ben LaBarre put on Facebook!
